maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
