i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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