i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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