goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
