a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
