Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
