cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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