i think i have two assholes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize