No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
