Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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