dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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