Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
