i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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