I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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