i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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