I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I AM VODKA MAN
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
