did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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