I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
