The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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