when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
