I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
