I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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