Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
