sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
