dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
