Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
