He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
