btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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