I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
