oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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