It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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