If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
