Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
