idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
