Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
