we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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