her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
