I wish I could teleport
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
