Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
