This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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