I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
