dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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