Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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