when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
