he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
