There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
