her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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