Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
