all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
