Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
