I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
