shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize