Where did you get a picture of my penis
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
