Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Another day, another engagement, another cat
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
