My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
