I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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