so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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