There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my poor anus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
