I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
