dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
