i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
