The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
