so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
