Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
