I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
