Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
