So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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