We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
