would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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