Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
