WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dear god my vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
