i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
