rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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