I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
this hospital has no fireball
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
