Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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