I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
