I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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