Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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