My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize