we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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