I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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