He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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