I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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