I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
