whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
