Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i think i just lost a toe
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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