Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
