so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
