This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
