i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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