Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
