you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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