Your face is a jimmy john
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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