I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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