I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
